Compassion and Boundaries
Background
In an absolutely fantastic podcast episode with Russell Brand and Brené Brown, Brené reveals the results of her research on Compassion; the common trait that all compassionate people share (aside from being compassionate) is strong boundaries.
Initially this can seem like a counter-intuitive notion, but in our recent role as carers for traumatised children, and experiencing what is called “Compassion Fatigue” (a resentment that arises after ones capacity to give compassion is exhausted and still demanded of), the truth of this correlation could not be clearer.
In our carer role our charges initially hit us with extreme attention seeking behaviour, from physically attacking each other, to constant whining. As we have corrected those behaviours, the way they seek attention from us has become much more subtle, and difficult for us to identify as problematic, while still leaving us feeling completely drained.
There is no denying the unpleasantness of the feeling when they step into our space and want some attention (for example something like simply placing arms in the air wanting a hug) but it is more difficult to identify why this behaviour is not appropriate.
